Seriously God… I’ve been holding on to old wineskin?
"Even when seasons change, there's something new you say–You're doing something new." Housefires, "You Walk With Me"
I’ve had a crazy last couple of weeks. Not going to lie, I have been in a rut. I fell back into my habitual sin of self-destruction and before I knew it, I had become just like “B.C. Steph.”
Late at night, I found myself rummaging through my pantry–devouring any and every snack in sight. I felt so sick as I ate away my emotions, not being able to stop. I could’ve sworn I had no control. Next thing, I was leaning against my toilet after purging. Crying on the bathroom floor, I thought to myself what am I doing right now? God! Where are you?
I felt nothing but shame and guilt. Have I been removed from God’s grace and mercy? Has God abandoned me? Did He really even save me? These fears flooded my head.
Feeling so pathetic, I closed my blinds and crawled into my bed. I laid there in the dark, isolating myself once again. I purposely avoided prayer and, of course, I refused to open the Word—my attempt to hide from God. I knew I couldn’t actually hide from Him, but it felt better to act as if I could rather than facing the truth. I didn’t bother seeking any help at all, especially from my friends. I was too worried about losing face if my friends were to see me like my old self.
As I was “hiding away,” I couldn’t help but reminisce about the good days before I had fallen into a rut. If only I could go back to when God used to pour His grace unto me… When God used to have mercy on me… I tricked myself into believing that I had been cut off from God’s grace. Dwelling on the past, I was stuck in a state of regret and remorse.
Things took a drastic turn when a last-minute decision led me to attend a Sunday service at a church in New Jersey. The pastor's sermon was titled, “Please give me a New heart” and the scripture he focused on was Luke 5:
“And no one puts new wine into old wineskins; or else the new wine will burst the wineskins and be spilled, and the wineskins will be ruined. But new wine must be put into new wineskins, and both are preserved. And no one, having drunk old wine, immediately desires new; for he says, 'The old is better.” (v. 36-39)
When the pastor brought up this scripture, I was disappointed. This parable has been told to me so many times…I wasn’t expecting anything new out of it.
But boy, was I wrong!
The pastor gave this interpretation of the story, which I had never heard of before: grace.
In order to receive whatever God bestows upon us—in this case, grace—we must have newly prepared hearts (new wineskins). But it's impossible for us to put on new wineskins while we dwell in the past. When we compare the difficulties we face now with the easier times of the past, we instantly assume that God's grace was stronger then than it is now. Regardless of how much grace is poured onto us, if we continue to cling to our old wineskins, we will not know what to do with it—we won't even care for it. As a result, we will not be able to experience the true freedom that comes from it; we would just be pushing God’s grace to the side.
In this same way, I had believed that God’s grace was greater for me back then when I had managed to break free from my “self-destructive cycle.” But this lie could not be further from the truth. God’s perfect grace is not any less than yesterday or the day before. Grace has POWER—more than the credit we give it. Grace is ABUNDANT. Grace is not bound by our sins. I've been foolishly using my own emotions as a scale to measure God’s grace for me. With my stubborn and ignorant heart, I failed to see the new grace God had been placing right in front of me.
Oh Lord, will you purify my heart so that I can put on a new wineskin?
I no longer want to be held captive by my past and chained to my shame. Instead, I want to savor every drop of the grace that you are giving to me here and now. Every morning I want to wake up excited to experience a grace that’s even better than the day before!!! I surrender all my doubts to you; you are far bigger and far greater than what one can ever fathom. You are the living God who transforms and redeems. I praise you, Lord! I no longer want to miss the new things you are doing in my life; I want to seek you in the present moment.
“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” (Isaiah 43:18-19)
I am just in awe of who HE is. He is in full control; He makes absolutely no mistakes. God saw my stubborn and prideful heart and allowed me to fall into a rut. He knew I needed to undergo discipline in order to get RIGHT with Him (after all, He is a loving father). Through the suffering, He revealed to me the ugliest parts of me. He reminded me of who I was before He saved me—who I am when I am not walking with Him. I am hopeless without Him; I NEED Him. Now, with a renewed heart, I no longer plan to desire anything of the old but instead look out for the NEW. I am ready to seek after the Lord with a greater thirst and hunger. I am just so grateful that God has opened my eyes to these revelations–it’s all part of His grace. Yes, I know that I’ve mentioned “grace” over like 20 times lol. But I just can’t help myself. His grace just never gets old!
Q: What old wineskins have you been clinging to? How have they been hindering you from living freely in the presence of God? Together, let’s break free from them!