Seriously, God...I feel like I am going hand and hand with Mike Tyson?
When we remember our fallen loved ones, we know God has purpose for us to keep fighting.
It's been awhile since I have done a post. There have been a lot of ups and downs in my life. I now have two jobs, and I am starting my masters program in Cybersecurity. I might change my major but so far it's definitely a competitive and interesting field. Being in school is one of the positives of my life and it's definitely challenging to raise a child, have two jobs, and go to school. Lord, I am drained and tide…not tired but tide. Life is really life-ing right now. I feel like I am going hand and hand with Mike Tyson…I am losing.
I lost my aunt last year and the first year has gone so quick. It feels like just yesterday she passed away. I was really really close to her, and she was my second mom especially after moving to Columbus. I had family in Columbus while I was going to school, but I always felt alone. When she moved to Columbus, she bought a little of home with her. I started to spend more time with her and stay over at her house like when I was younger. I enjoyed her presence every time I was around her. She was my color yellow. During that time she unfortunately had a stroke shortly after moving to Columbus. It was definitely hard for her during physical therapy. She was still smiling and laughing but there were times when she would be depressed because she needed assistance with things that she used to do on her own. I wanted to make sure she didn’t feel alone, so every morning I would go visit her in rehab and be there during physical therapy to encourage her to keep going. She improved while she was there so they sent her home. I would go over to help her just cause I enjoyed spending time with her. One conversation I remembered with her was how she was tired and wanted to be completely independent again. She even told me that if something happened where she had to be on a machine and couldn’t do anything on her own…she wanted the family to let her be with her parents with Jesus.
PSALM 34:18 THE LORD IS NEAR TO THOSE WHO HAVE A BROKEN HEART, AND SAVES SUCH AS HAVE A CONTRITE SPIRIT
June 2024, I got a call from my cousin panicking cause my auntie was in the hospital and she was unresponsive. She had a seizure and a stroke while she was at home by herself. Her oldest daughter had tried calling my auntie because they talk everyday. It was unusual for her to not answer the phone. So, she called her youngest sister to check up on her cause the oldest was two hours away. The youngest found her mom (my aunt) on the floor foaming from the mouth. June 19th, 2024 was the last time my cousin spoke to her mother. She passed away in August 2024. She was on the ventilator days prior, then after taking her off for a couple of days she was surrounded by family and responding. Then one day when she was alone with her oldest daughter and passed away to be with her parents and Jesus. When I looked into my cousin's eyes I saw a piece of her die. Her mother was her best friend, and she had left so early. My mother and other aunt lost their baby sister. My auntie Kala was the glue of the family. She kept us together, and she was definitely the life of our family. Every time I see my cousin, she pretends to be happy.
Dealing with grief from the loss of a loved one is so difficult. I am still grieving my auntie. Sometimes I might get a Big Mac and start to cry because that was one of my student’s favorite things to eat, and it was the last thing I got him before he passed away. Or when I hear a certain song that was my co-worker’s favorite before her life was taken. Passing by the hospital reminds me of my nephew and his heart surgery in Columbus. Even after some time has passed I still think about those who have passed away. It hurts but God is with us in those moments, and I know I can cry to him and he hears me.
