Seriously, God...I have to trust you with my love life?
"You're so much better than the rest, You're so much better." kalley, "Better Than the Rest"
Hi! I’m Ashleigh from the UK. I’m a single, same-sex attracted woman, which has presented some questions and challenges for my faith. But I am utterly convinced that Jesus is worth everything, and now I work for Living Out, telling people just that! Read on for more...
Why should I trust God with my love life?
The question was submitted anonymously, after I’d given a talk about the Bible and sexuality to a group of teenagers. It’s a deep, emotive question, an amalgamation of so many others:
Is God trustworthy?
Isn’t my love life just that – mine?
What if my life doesn’t go the way I planned?
What if God asks something of me that I don’t want to give?
Is God good?
All these are questions I’ve faced for myself. I grew up going to church, but in my teen years began dating another girl, something I knew the Bible wasn’t positive about. I faced a lot of doubt, confusion, and anger. More than once I found myself using the question that’s the title of this blog – seriously, God??! You really hate this thing that feels so instinctive to me? You really say that I can’t be with the woman I love? You really expect me to give you this? You really think I should treasure you more?
Yes, he said, over and over.
And he waited so patiently for me, while I fought and wept and refused and finally came to a place of surrender.
And then – it took a while, but eventually - I came to understand that that yes was good.
Faith foundations
God asking me to trust him with my life is good, because God himself is good.
As many of the Psalms put it, ‘Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good!’1 Psalm 119 succinctly says, ‘You are good and do good.’2 Everything God is, and everything he does, is good.
God also has authority. God is God and I am not – he is sovereign, he is my Lord - that's the rightful way of things. We can find that idea very uncomfortable, because we’ve had so many experiences of authority being abused – but God is good. And so the fact that he is also the Sovereign One is good, too! He doesn’t give me commands and instructions just to play games. He isn’t cruel, or capricious. What God says is good. Even when it’s something as counter-cultural, or something as jarring to me, as what he says about sexuality.
God on sexuality
I’ve come to understand that God says what he says about my same-sex attractions because sexuality is actually about something bigger than itself.
The main purpose of human sexuality – not the only purpose, but the main one – is to be a picture of, a signpost to, the intimate union of Christ and the church. We’re meant to look at sex and marriage and see a glimpse of our future union with Jesus.
This is good news.
And it’s good news even for me, as a single, same-sex attracted person. Even single and celibate, I get to express the goodness of God through my sexuality. Single people are declaring the same truth through our sexualities as married people are, just in a different way.
My single life declares that marriage and sex are not ultimate. They're not needs, and they’re not the pinnacle of the human experience or the Christian life. My single life points to the sufficiency of what is ultimate – God himself! He is enough for me, and the future he promises is worth waiting for.
It’s worth stating that single people are not missing out on something essential.
Single people get to enjoy family, and intimacy, and love, because these things are not only found in sex and marriage. I enjoy intimate, non-sexual friendships. I find a genuine experience of family in my church community. I have the privilege of being deeply loved by many people. And this intimate relationship with God that we were made for, that sex and marriage point to, is something that I will be able to enjoy forever – just like the married Christian will!
Knowing him is better
Paul once said, “everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.”3
If I’d stayed with my girlfriend, said yes to her instead of Jesus, I don’t know how my life would have gone – and I’m glad not to know, because it will not have been as good as life with him! He is so much better. He is worth more than this whole world put together.
And all this, in the end, is why I trust God with my love life – and why I hope that you dare to trust him with yours. Trust him with your whole life.
Because he is trustworthy.
Because your life is not your own, you are not your own – he is the Lord of your body and your life.4
Because his plans for you are good and his dreams for you are bigger than yours could ever be.
Because whatever you give up to have him will not, in the end, even feel like a sacrifice. ‘He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose’.5
And because he is good, good, good, all the way through.
To hear more of Ashleigh’s story, check out it here on this Living Out page.
For example, Psalm 107:1.
Psalm 119:68.
Philippians 3:8.
See 1 Corinthians 6:19-20.
This quote is attributed to missionary Jim Elliot.
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