Seriously, God...I need to be less of a planner?
Planning has served me well and is useful, but what got me to this point is not what is going to get me to the next place.
Many of us may not be “addicts,” but everyone finds a way to cope with the worries and stress of life—everyone. Some cope in healthy ways, some in not healthy ways, but we all cope.
Little things help me cope and distract myself—playing dumb phone games, going on cooking benders, immersing myself in a topic I want to learn, or exercising.
But I have an ultimate weapon against stress…to avoid it all together…and that is called planning.
I have mentioned before that my parents fought a lot when I was a kid. It started when I was young, so I had no choice but to be there during their arguments. Yells would penetrate through walls and door slams shook the frames of the house. Even if I wanted to escape it, where could I go as a young kid? My instinct was to fix it, figure out how to end the conflict, and look for every advantage or weakness in their arguments. As I got older I could start to remove myself, but that desire and “instinct” to plan and fix never left me.
You can imagine that these skills could serve me well in school and life, and they did. But though I could apply my solutioning skills to a host of things I never truly felt creative, smart, or skilled. Though I was always thinking ahead, I felt a step behind, reactive to life and what came my way. Never completely comfortable in my own skin, never with a clear vision, I went through life with intense scenario planning as my mode of living.
Understand, I’m not that kind of planner who sticks to one plan. That didn’t feel safe enough of a plan. My mind is like war games that the military plays periodically to keep sharp—I have two to three versions of a plan ready to go at any time. Again, my solutioning skills served me well in life and work, but I can feel I am hitting my limit. You can’t plan for loss of loved ones and you can’t plan for traumatic hardships. Those kinds of things don’t have plans. They hit you and you have to deal with it. In those moments, you get to the end yourself and learn to lean on Jesus more.
There is a saying—what got you to this point in your life isn’t what is going to get you to the next stop. My planning has served me well, but instead of heading off all stress in life I need to learn how to cope better. Every time I feel that uncomfortable sensation I need to pray. Every time I want to distract myself I need to pray. Every time I binge junk food when stressed, I need to pray. That’s the healthiest way to cope. Then, of course, go take a run or hangout with friends. But where I think I’ve leaned on him enough, I need remember there isn’t a max or min to how much we need to rely on our Savior.
How do you cope?
After reflecting on it, is how you are coping healthy or unhealthy?
Have you built your life to avoid all stress in life, but seeing cracks in your armor?