Seriously, God...is it easier to internalize my fears than your truth?
You talk a lot, but the game isn't won from the parking lot. Strangle all your straying thoughts. Gable Price and Friends. "Demons"
When someone says they internalize something, what does that mean? Maybe more importantly how does it happen or, in some cases, how do you stop it from happening?
A few entries ago I mentioned my sleep has been off, and it has been an up and down experience for the last month. Only recently has it gotten better, and I concluded it was because I was internalizing a fear I had related to something at work. The basic definition of internalizing is “suppressing one’s true feelings or boundaries.” I was definitely doing that. I think I do that a lot actually.
What is hard to grasp is if you asked me how I felt I would have told you I was fine and genuinely believed that. Again, textbook definition of internalizing. But clearly I was holding on to something…a fear. In some weird way, holding onto a fear feels more comforting because I’m in control of it (so I think) compared to letting it go. My question is how do you un-internalize something?
It’s interesting when I search “how do I stop internalizing as a Christian” I didn’t get that many hits. Probably because most will tell you to just pray and trust God. Good direction, but can I get just a little more?
I asked Gemini (Google’s AI–the same question), and I thought this little segment was interesting. I also doing it more than once I didn’t get the same answer which is expected, but jarring too.
Focus on what you believe: If there are core Christian tenets you still hold dear, focus on those. You can build your own personal faith that incorporates what resonates with you and lets go of what doesn't.
Remember, it's okay to doubt: Faith is a journey, not a destination. It's perfectly normal to have questions or uncertainties.
The rest of the answer was generic and the second line in the first paragraph is suspect. AI is going to have trouble with theological nuance for a while because the Internet is pretty spotty.
So I came across a blog post from Psychology Today from a Jill Weber, PhD, and she advised you need to “express yourself in the moment” and so you can do the following:
Determine what is your fear
Challenge those thoughts
Take time to connect with your inner world
Exposure: start being open about your feelings and concerns
As Christians I’ve read many great sermons and devotions around Philippians 4:6-8
6Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things
In those three verses you have everything this PhD is advising of…fear identification, challenging your thoughts with thanksgiving and truth, and reflection in prayer. What’s “extra” for Christians is that with the Holy Spirit we can have supernatural peace from God. That comes from something outside of our burdened and confused selves. That’s so comforting.
Taking in God’s truth is a kind of “internalizing,” in its own way. What I find kind of odd is why does it feel, for some of us, to internalize fear is easier than “internalizing” God’s truth? For me it feels like my mind and body are hardwired to do the former versus the latter. Is that our flesh and sin kicking in perhaps?
The PhD advised that shame can often be at the root of our internalizing, and I’m sure in a general sense I have felt a lot of shame in expressing myself in certain ways. That could be an Asian thing, family thing, pastor’s kid thing, maybe even a Christian culture thing, or all of the above. There are times I feel I can’t be open with God either because I might be letting God down or I’m not as mature as I think I should be. Ashamed, confused, and tired, I leave myself susceptible to privately internalizing my fear and hoping I can fix it myself.
God always does remind me though–I’m not alone with my thoughts and fears.
During my time internalizing my work fears this past month, in a moment when I felt exceptionally stressed, I opened up the Bible App and a banner came up that I’ve never seen. It said, “Don’t be anxious.” Wow, God that is pretty direct. It was a banner to engage with a Bible
Plan, and I did so with great comfort. Here it is if you need it: http://bible.com/r/8c6.
My thoughts can feel so hidden, muddled, and hopeless, but yet God can see all of the hot mess of my mind (Psalm 139). So why doesn’t he just fix it then–it’s because he wants us to surrender, many times repent, and acknowledge him. With the power of his Spirit within me I know I can, and I need to do that everyday.
What might you be internalizing that you need to apply Philippians 4:6-8 in your life right now?