Seriously God...my mom is dancing down the church aisle?
"If they keep quiet, the stones will cry out." Luke 19:40.
I’ve been attending a Christmas Eve service as long as I can remember, and most times they are a mix of conventional Sunday service and children’s holiday pageant. Whether it is your own kids or another’s—seeing little kids sing and run amok on stage is always great holiday entertainment.
For decades the services I attended were led by my dad, and I know his intention was always to preach a gospel message to anyone that would be visiting church for their one compulsory visit. To him it was an opportunity, and for those who knew the Lord it was a time to worship. The little kids performing were always cute and reminded him of the importance and beauty of family, but their parts were secondary. Preaching the good news of Christ and the young to old worshipping in the Spirit were always primary for Christmas Eve.
This year, Christmas Eve service felt the same, but didn’t. With each year away from my father’s passing in 2021, things do get easier for me, but holidays at church do remain the most challenging. It’s not even the time at home opening presents that is difficult, but going to church on Christmas Eve reminds me of him. In the end, it isn’t really about remembering him, but remembering what my church used to feel like. When he would preach with purpose and we worshipped Christ with fervor it felt like we were honoring God.
But God can do new things.
As I have mentioned, my mother has dementia and it did seem to accelerate after my father passed. Dementia can reduce a person to be like a child—difficult to reason with and in search for their basic needs of life. For my mom, when she hears any upbeat music, she instantly wants to dance. Before dementia, she kind of did this in spurts, but my dad would often tell her to stop, not in a mean way but in a more embarrassed way. Even back then, her dance moves resorted to a kind of Trumpian arm maneuver and a little bit of bop in her step. With her dementia, she is much more uninhibited to begin to dance, which is totally fine, until I look up and see my mom dancing down the church aisle as the Christmas Eve worship kicks in. This she has never done, but in her 1/4 speed King David impression with a swing of elderly Korean bop, she danced before God with a seated congregation likely shocked and uncomfortable with the sight of their former Samonim (in this case Pastor’s wife) dancing down the aisle.
I won’t lie and say the vibe of the service wasn’t as worshipful as year’s past, but seeing my mom dance in front of everyone and God was horrifying and refreshing. A woman with dementia has no ulterior motive but to express her heart, so I know the Holy Spirit was moving her down that aisle rather than just keeping her at her seat, which is what I would have expected she do. Dancing in her backrow seat is one thing, but shuffling down the aisle is kind of another level. Our teenagers dressed in their Christmas play costumes sitting together in the last few pews didn’t know what to do at the sight of this woman dancing, but to see them stand in worship in response to my mother’s unashamed 1/4 speed King David elderly Korean bop did move my heart. I’ve been wondering how God might still use my mom in her advanced age without my dad, and if dancing in the aisle is her thing then who am I to stop it. On Christmas day, she led prayer before dinner, and I’m still surprised how lucid her prayer still is. It feels like her old self for 30 seconds. All those years of praying for my family and her church doesn’t go away easily even with physical and mental degradation.
Afterwards, my sister and I spoke at length about this event, and we agreed we had mixed emotions. Our instinct to want to stop her felt like Michal’s critique of David dancing before the ark of God. I get why Michal did that now, but our personal reasons for doing certain things and the empathy we feel for others does not change the fact that some of our choices are just wrong before God. Stopping my mom would have been wrong.
We let our mother dance and many likely realized how far my mother’s mind has gone. But there is a spiritual message our God sent that day through a woman who is all emotion and dwindling reason—He will raise up the young and the old to worship because even the rocks will cry out in Christ’s presence (Luke 19:40). I was reminded that Jesus can work in very unexpected ways, and often we miss it because we are still looking for the ways we know God used to work. For God’s purpose, he will do a new thing. I am excited and frightened by how that could look, how I will develop as a person and leader through trial in 2025, and even how my own mother will be involved in it all. I’m just glad it’s God’s work to move things along and not mine because, in the end, no past or future mistakes of my own or others is going to stop Christ’s will. Let’s cry out and dance before our God or my mom will do it for you.
Happy New Year!!!! One full year of Seriously God? under wraps. Season 2 here we come!
Ah. What a beautiful testimony. Thank you for sharing Brother!
May we have all the heart like your mother!