Seriously, God...why can't I float in water anymore?
Life changes and we either embrace those changes or loathe them. But God is with those who diligently seek him.
When in the pool with my two sons, I realized something—I don’t float. My young sons could float on their backs for long periods of time with little effort. Just as easily, I seemed to sink. The boys told me take a deep breath to expand my lungs which did help but only for a few moments. Just sink a bit first then let your body rebound…relax your muscles they’d say.
I just sank faster.
If I moved my legs and feet a bit I could maintain buoyancy, but definitely I wasn’t floating like human pool floaties like they were. Peering through their blue tinted swimming goggles, they asked me, “Had I always been this way?”
“No, I used to float like you did.”
“What happened?” They ask jokingly.
“Life,” I said as I dunked them both in the water.
There comes a time for everyone that you realize you aren’t what you once were. This isn’t just reserved for those who are older, but it’s a progressive reality that you aren’t aware of until you are. When does a child realize they aren’t a kid anymore? One of my kids came to me teary-eyed because they realized they might not be a kid anymore. What happened, I asked? Did someone tell you something? Or did you get a hair on your upper lip?
“What, a moustache? Gross,” the kid said. “Just a feeling I have.”
Later those feelings come from your first white hair or the first time you face a real loss in your life. There are different moments that signal to us that we’ve gone through a door that we can’t go back through.
When I talk to my wife she says she looks forward to aging. You care less what people think. For me the idea of aging makes me feel sad. I’m not alone considering an entire industry exists to make us look and feel younger. Celebrities in their 60s look like they are in their 40s. I see elderly people who dye their hair jet black, and I think that doesn’t look quite right.
Then you have this guy.
In the end, no one outruns time regardless of how wrinkle-free you are. So why don’t I like the idea of aging?
For me it’s the idea that I don’t think I’ve figured out myself yet, and I’m losing time to do that. I feel like I’m on a timer and the seconds are melting away fast. Am I the only one? I was speaking to someone in their 20s and they described a similar sensation.
I know I am a very indecisive person. This plays into this issue of who I think I am. When I see others who seem so sure about their life, political, and even spiritual and religious choices they seem much more at ease. As a Christian I hear so many voices tell me Jesus is here and not there. Or this scripture is essential in this moment versus another. God is this way versus another. I’ve never been a person of extremes and personally have concluded that those who are very liberal or conservative in faith have taken over all the search engine optimization, but maybe that’s part of the benefit—you are at ease with yourself because everything logically fits together in your life and ideology. For me it often doesn’t.
For 2025 though, I know what I’ll be praying about—conviction. Not to join an extreme ideological side or a certain approach to life, but conviction in who I am in Christ. Conviction in my faith in God. Conviction that when I seek Him Jesus will answer.
And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him. (Hebrews 11:6 ESV)
Where can you have more conviction in your life?
What in your faith do you need more conviction?