Seriously God...will I always take forever to order my food?
"I don't need to worry now that I know everything I need, you've got." Kelsey Breedlove, "Honey From the Rock"
Hi, there! My name is Steph and I am from the Midwest, living in my small yet cozy suburban bubble. Out of school, but currently trying to learn more about who God is as I prepare to begin college this upcoming fall! Here is my first post for SG?.
I am the most indecisive human I know – I can never make a single decision for myself. It’s so bad to the point that I cannot even properly order while eating out.
On average, I would say that it takes me about 30 minutes to place my order… I know, it sounds ridiculous. You might be wondering, why don’t you just look at the online menu at home and decide on your dish in advance? Well, it’s not that simple, lol. Even if I were to select my dish in advance, there’s just no point! Once I get seated at the table, new ideas regarding my selection pop up in my head– thoughts I had never considered before. So once more, I become overwhelmed with picking my dish. I know! I know! I am an awful person to eat out with.
During my recent trip to Nairobi, Kenya, while at a local cafe called “Connect Coffee” with my friend, Esther, the waiter sat us down and handed us our menus. Flipping through the pages, the choices seemed endless. Coffee, sweet? Iced? Hot? Almond milk? Oat milk? Or do I want tea? What about the pastries and special dishes? I sat there for 27 minutes straight, trying to decide what I wanted to get. Esther, poor thing, was trying to be helpful, but every suggestion or comment she made was something along the lines of,
“Just get what you want! You can’t go wrong.”
She had a good point, but it wasn't that simple. I gave up, and instead, she chose for me: iced latte and a pain au chocolat — it was meh. Definitely not worth the 27 minutes. But in all honesty, it should be a crime to waste the amount of time I have wasted on overthinking about what I was going to eat and drink. Seriously, God? Why am I like this?
Since returning from my trip, I have had more time to reflect on myself. I discovered that all of my overthinking and indecisive behavior is rooted in one thing: fear. They say fear is the biggest motivator, but for me? Fear is the biggest deterrent. My inability to make decisions stem from my fear of regretting a decision once made. However, what I always end up regretting the most is how I failed to make a choice for myself at all. The fear of failure blocks me from attempting anything at all: it glues me to the floor. In return, I pass up on the amazing opportunities to venture outside of my small yet cozy bubble such as initiating necessary change in my community, taking on cool projects, and trying new hobbies.
I find myself constantly surrendering to my fears, which have become my control-factor. After hearing that a pastor whom I really respect, Pastor Park Bo-Young, reads The Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5, 6, 7) on a daily basis, I committed to do the same. Reading these 3 chapters over and over, it’s become like a chore that I check off on my to-do list. I often overlook important details in the passage. It’s funny and – honestly – quite impressive how I spend so much time obsessing over what I am going to eat and drink while simultaneously reading Matthew chapter 6 on the daily:
“(25) Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?...
(27) Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?...
(31) So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ (32) For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. (33) But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”
I don’t want these verses to be mere verses. I want these verses to be a true reflection of my life.
Lord, will you forgive me for not trusting you? Time after time I continue to worry over useless things, you told me not to worry about. I no longer want to hopelessly fixate on making the “best decisions”. For you are sovereign. You have power over any of the choices I make in my life. You take every decision I make and mold it into your good plan. So, will you give me rest from my restless thoughts? Help me find perfect peace, abiding by your spirit. Lord, with full confidence in your faithfulness, I want to seek you and only you.
I realized that if I lean into the fears of my flesh, my life will never be a reflection of His words: to seek first his kingdom and his righteousness. But if I truly believe that our heavenly father knows all the things we need, I have nothing to worry about. He will provide all those things according to His divine will. No matter how many uncertainties come into my life, one thing will remain certain: God’s sovereignty and His righteousness. It’s the one thing I can hold fast unto and pursue after.
Clearly, my food ordering skills have a long way to go, and my submission to His word is still a work in progress, but it’s a challenge I am willing to tackle every day.
What fear glues you to the floor? What God-given opportunities do you feel like you might be passing up because of your fear? Share with us in the comments or on our IG at sgquestionmark!
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