Seriously, God...you let me enroll in classes, so I can get some therapy?

If worrying is a behavior or habit that I can stop, how do I stop?

A few weeks ago I quit my job at the company I had been with for over 15 years. For so many years I had complained about the politics, lack of career advancement opportunities, and whether I received the appreciation I felt I deserved. Other times, I was thankful for the opportunities given, patience afforded, and benefits given to me. So truly leaving was bittersweet.

That chapter is done, and I am super thankful for it. What’s next?

I see this sign every time I drive to class. Am I going to prison or escaping it?

As I learn things in these classes, I want to share them with you all as well because our ultimate goal at SG? is that you receive healing in the name of Jesus Christ. Jesus does the work, but I recognize sometimes we have to actually come to the party to see Jesus turn water into wine. Things like therapy, counseling at your church, talking to a friend, or whatever fruitful thing you can do can be that kick in the pants to get you out of bed and to the party Jesus is holding.

Here are two things that I learned that God really used to bless me:

1. Worrying is a behavior

2. Anxiety is in response to perceived threat. Fear is a response to actual threat.

Why do these resonate so much with me? If you’ve been following my posts so far I think you can tell I worry a lot. Now I’m realizing I worry a whole lot. For a long time I could handle stress by powering through it, but with all the changes in my life (e.g., Dad passing, physical health needs to get better, midlife crisis, etc.), I just feel way more vulnerable than ever. In some ways, I feel God wanted all this to happen to strengthen me. I believe that now. God allows crap to happen, so we can get stronger. My daughter who is running cross country is getting a lot stronger, but I told her its time to take it up a notch because she totally can. God is doing same thing to me—I’m turning up the heat because you can take it.

But yet, I still worry a lot about stuff that isn’t really real. So it’s perceived. It’s all a “what-if” smorgasbord in my mind and heart, and it messes with me. Even the last two weeks of going to class I’ve felt a little anxious. What is the actual threat here? Absolutely none. It’s perceived. You need a bit of “what-if” to plan and prepare, but I’m just being ridiculous. I’ve been feeling that weight more than ever the last 3.5 years. If worrying is a behavior that means I have choice. Thank you, Jesus, we have a choice. Worrying isn’t a feeling you can’t kick, it’s stupid behavior we have to lessen and stop.

Trust is also a behavior, and it’s the kind Jesus told us to practice in Matthew:

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:33-34 NIV.

My version of what Christ said, “Actively pursue things related to Christ’s kingdom and you will be fulfilled, so stop being a jerk and trust. With Jesus by my side, you can think differently.”

Have you tried to stop worrying—it’s tough. But it’s not like smoking cold turkey. You can vape—I’m seriously kidding—but there is an alternative thing you can do. It’s called pursue Christ and look at things more realistically (stop what-ifs), and you are going to be good.

Through my introduction to psychotherapy I’ve also self-determined I’ve got tons of childhood trauma, weird beliefs about how life works, multi-layered identity crisis, neuroses, and a crazy object attachment to my church. Those are all future reveals for you all to judge me. Ha. I knew I was messed up, but it’s cool to be able to give it some names now. Again, Jesus knows me well. He knows I want to understand.

For you all—seriously, let’s go and get some help. Jesus is waiting for us at the party to show you a miracle.

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• Are you a worrywart? What are the what-ifs you are telling yourself?

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